Rather than complain about all of the things I can’t stand about Christmas, I have begun the process of addressing them.
Materialism has always been my biggest gripe – especially the purchase of presents for people who feel equally obligated to do the same, when both parties involved are not needing for anything. This year, I called my best friend and asked if her if she would like to go out for manicures and pedicures this year, instead of buying gift cards for each other that box us into going to specific places.
Don’t get me wrong – I still buy a few gifts for people. I enjoy the challenge of finding things for Phil. I love the looks on the faces of my godchildren when they open gifts. And I still buy gifts for my parents and one of my sisters. But that’s it. And I am currently trying to come up with a creative alternative to gift-buying for some of them. My sister makes jam and bakes cookies every year (a package I always look forward to receiving) – I would like to be able to do something creative like that in the future, and skip the materialism to an even greater extent.
I love to hand-write all of my Christmas cards each year (this year, I sent out 72). Because it comes from me and says I care and want to re-connect. It feels personal and not materialistic.
Dates and obligations – Rather than seeing everyone “during the holidays,” I see people year round. I saw my Dad and Jeanne this week, but our timing was due more to our birthdays, and their upcoming trip, than it was to Christmas. We had a fabulous dinner.
I have only one obligation this Christmas – and I am trying to be optimistic about it (rather than being my regular Scrooge-self). I think my mother will be coming for Christmas dinner. Perhaps I am inherently selfish, but ideally, I would have liked to spend Christmas alone with Phil. We drink coffee, open gifts, turn on the Parade in the background…and then relax all day. Call family on the phone. Eat something delicious for dinner. Go to bed sated and happy.
My mother does nothing specific to make my Christmas stressful. But it does stress me (and Phil) out to have people over. To clean the house until it sparkles (why, why do I do this for a woman who doesn’t do laundrey on a regular basis??). To make the guest room like a Bed & Breakfast (again, why do I do this?, when at her house, the second bedroom is full of boxes that haven’t been unpacked in over five years). To have just the right food items in the kitchen (she is actually very high maintenance about the right bread for toast, the right cream for coffee, the right coffee). I know that the issues lie with me – I would not think twice about doing any of this for my grandparents, my sister, and my closest friends. Perhaps because I feel they have done so much for me.
Whatever the reasons may be, nonetheless, this is my family obligation this year. It is the only one I have – and for that, I should be grateful.
